Dear friends, summer is upon us, so the Nonviolent Communication training schedule is getting lighter. I'd love to see you at the Giraffes, Families and Friends potluck June 28!

Warmly,
Terry LePage

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June 2008 E-News
Communication Tip: Translating "You Should"
Parenting Tip: Love Grows Brains
Upcoming Events: Classes, workshops, informal gatherings
"Giraffes, Family and Friends" Potluck June 28

Communication Tip: Translating "You Should"
When we tell (or imply) to another person what they "should" do, we set ourselves up for irritation and disconnection. Our expectations seldom meet the other person's need for choice and respect. If we do get what we want, it is often accompanied by resentment or dull resignation. When we stop and take the time to translate what the other person "should" do into our own needs and a gentle request for help in meeting them, we are using several key principles of Nonviolent Communication. First, talking about our universal human needs connects us at a heart level. Second, our needs may be met in many creative ways, even if the other person says "no" to our request. And finally, people often enjoy giving in order to meet needs, while they seldom enjoy giving because someone thinks they "should."

Parenting Tip: Love Grows Brains
Your child needs love to thrive. Research shows that infants need healthy loving attachment to a caregiver in order to develop normally. From birth to age seven, much of a child's brain development is in the centers that govern emotions and relationships. Fear, anger or anxiety generate stress hormones which, if intense or prolonged, can stunt normal brain growth. The trust and security that comes from physical affection, empathetic communication, and compassionate limits create the optimal brain environment for learning. In other words, "love grows brains."

How can parents express their love in practical ways that help children thrive? We can take some times during the day to set aside our own agenda and just connect with our child by listening, cuddling, or playing. We can show our children that their needs matter, whether or not they get what they want in the moment. We can regulate our anger and fear, so that we do not regularly stimulate anger or fear in our children. We can avoid threats, shaming, blaming and punishment. We can get help for own anxiety or depression so that we can be present and confident for our kids. Even the teenager who seems to ignore us needs his parent as a secure base from which to push off into his own identity. The brain continues growing into adulthood, with judgment centers developing in late adolescence. And it's never too late! As we practice nonviolent parenting, our brains grow and make new connections, so that parenting mindfully with compassion becomes easier over time. A site called Hand in Hand Parenting offers suggestions for fostering loving connection and dealing compassionately with common parenting challenges.

Note from Terry: I recently got certified as a Teacher of Nonviolent Education and Parenting through the Center for Nonviolent Education and Parenting in Los Angeles (www.cnvep.org). I welcome invitations to talk about NV Education and Parenting at schools, daycares, and parent groups.

Upcoming Events

Giraffes, Family and Friends Potluck at Terry's in Irvine: Saturday June 28 at 5 pm. All ages welcome. The agenda is connection and fun, no NVC experience needed. RSVP by phone at 949-400-3379 or email.

In Irvine: Practicing Nonviolent Communication. Taught by Terry. Designed for people new to Nonviolent Communication, or who have had a brief introduction. Learn the basics and start practicing on situations in your life, with lively activities and role plays. Sunday July 20, 3-7 pm. Limited capacity so please reserve in advance. RSVP by phone at 949-400-3379 or email.

In Costa Mesa: Nonviolent Communication Practice Group, Currently Sundays from 3:30 to 5:30 pm. Led by Upgeya Pew:  email him  or call at 949-646-1011.

In Newport Beach: Nonviolent Communication Practice Group, starting Wed June 4 for 5 weeks or Thursday June 12 for 4 weeks. Led by Ellen Shiro, MFT:  see www.ellenshiro.com.  Call her at 949-642-7889.

In Pasadena: Hearing and Saying "No", Sat. June 21, 9-5. The Basics of Nonviolent Communication Sat. June 7, 9-5. Sliding fee. Pre-registration requested. Led by Rodger Sorrow and/or Kathi Aichner; meeting at the Church of Truth. For more information see www.communicationfromtheheart.com.

In Long Beach (ongoing): Nonviolent Communication Practice Group This ongoing practice group meets second and fourth Wednesdays, 7-9 pm. Quiet meditation for gathering starts at 6:30. Donation basis. If you are interested, contact Bob Kalayjian at 562-754-5334 or email Bob.

Establishing lasting peace is the work of education; all politics can do is keep us out of war.
Maria Montessori

Terry LePage
Open Door Communication
terry@opendoorcommunication.org
www.OpenDoorCommunication.org
949-400-3379

Mission of Open Door Communication
To share Nonviolent Communication (NVC) and related life-serving tools with people from all walks of life in Southern California by:

Offering NVC workshops, mediation, and coaching.
Establishing practice groups and mentoring NVC resource people to multiply impact.
Facilitating supportive relationships among NVC practitioners.

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